my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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