Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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