it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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