Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
