Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
