tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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