Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
