I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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