lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
