yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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