So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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