The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
