I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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