Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
