Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
