yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
