She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
