I think my fart just growled at me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
