What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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