Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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