16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
