he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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