I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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