She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
