oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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