The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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