Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
