The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
