Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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