Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
