I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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