Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
