Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
