(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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