Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
