The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
