I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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