Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize