He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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