I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
