if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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