I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
