The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
BRING THE BAGELS
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
