Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
