just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
