You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize