We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
