allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
