Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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