At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
