I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
