I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
