Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
