I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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