So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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