my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
