Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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