Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
