I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
