It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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