its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
