I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize