Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
