Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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