Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
