Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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