That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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