Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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