$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
