dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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