i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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