So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
