I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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