I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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