You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
