i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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