It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i believe in u and ur pee
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