She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
