God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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