wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
