New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
