bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
