You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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