It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
