Non-Jews are for practice
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
