and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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