apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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