I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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