It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
