I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
