Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
