I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
