I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
